What is this thing called love?

I would like to share some of my thoughts on love and relationships. I do not do this to try to change how others think but simply to help others understand how I think.

'Love' is a word I admit I have become wary of, simply because I am never sure what another person means by it.

I think when most people use the word 'love' they mean something like 'I can't live without you' or 'I have a strong attachment to you' or 'I'd be miserable without you'.

As someone who follows the teachings of the Buddha, I have learned that the cause of all the pain and suffering in the world is our attachments or our inability to live without that which we desire. Therefore to a follower of the Buddha the above definitions of love are unacceptable.

There are two definitions of 'love' that I like. The first is 'love is wanting what is best for the person we love'. This can be tricky because sometimes what is best for that person is that we let go of them so that they have the freedom to live their life without us. Therefore, this kind of love is not compatable with the grasping, attachment form of love first mentioned.

When I worked with the Buddhist charity, Tzu Chi, I learned the second definition, which is 'love is giving without expectation'. While I admire this definition and aspire to it, I have to admit it gives me great difficulty.

Last year I returned to Australia to look after my elderly mother. My goal was to give to her without expectation. I have to admit, I failed.

I was doing OK for the first three months but eventually I lost it. I had an expectation that my mother not tell lies about my children. I had an expectation that when my mother talked, almost everyday, about the abuse she'd received from her mother that she should put it into perspective by also acknowledging her abuse of all of her children. I had an expectation that my mother not tell lies about me to my siblings and others or tell lies about others to me.

You might say that all my expectations were reasonable. Perhaps they were but they were not compatable with my goals. They were not compatable with this definition of 'love'.

Perhaps I am not alone. I observe that most people enter into 'love' relationships with expectations. Everyone thinks their expectations are reasonable. And when the other person doesn't live up to them we feel justified in being angry or hurt or perhaps ending the relationship.

But is this really love? Is there a definition of love that says 'if I love you, you have to live up to my expectations'? Not for me there isn't but somehow I think I might be in the minority.

No domination without representation

We all know that democracy is a wonderful way of life. Just look at how happy everyone is in the US. And of course the American people want to share their good fortune with the whole world.

Americans take their democracy so seriously they are already campaigning for the leader who will take over in about two years. However, considering the role of the US in leading and policeing the world perhaps it is time we accepted that if the elections for the president of the US are to be truly democratic then surely all of us around the world deserve a vote.

Do you get a vote in the US presidential elections? As an Australian citizen I certainly don't. OK America, you want to give us democracy? Then give us a vote in the election of our leader.

Yellow shirts are popular in Sydney too

I went down to Sydney to visit a friend. I was early when I arrived at Central Station so I decided to take a short walk to see how much the city had changed since I was last there. Something triggered in my mind the thought that I should tell my friend how popular yellow shirts are in Thailand at the moment. Then I noticed in the park there were yellow shirts everywhere. 'This is amazing.' I thought.' Just like Thailand.'

As I got closer I realized this corner of the park was full of khon Thai (Thai people) in yellow shirts supporting the Thai king.

When I was recently in Bangkok I noticed that the most popular clothing item was a yellow shirt. Apparently yellow is the king's favourite colour and these shirts with the royal insignia were issued to commemorate the 60th anniversary of the king's reign. On the king's birthday, December 5, I would say that at the local shopping mall about 80% of people were wearing those shirts.

And now, here they are in Sydney. There was some sort of gathering complete with monks. I wandered around taking a few photos. Everyone seemed busy so I didn't get a chance to ask what was going on.

I wandered across the road. There was a restored old building there and many of the Thais were heading into it. It was very crowded inside so I didn't bother to go in but it looked like a shop selling Thai groceries and other products that people from Thailand must miss when the live in Sydney. Then I noticed the sign over the door was in Thai too.

Nice to see a little bit of Thailand here in Australia.